Give thanks

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2007-05-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

[When you come and changed my whole world...]

when i thought that love just another betrayal
when i thought that you are just another passer by
when i thought i could never love again
and when you give me that smile and soft laughter that brighten up my whole life

while i lost my hope to love
you've come to remind me of 'it' all over again
when i give on every hope of man
you gave me a glance of light on my gloomy tunnel

would you be kind enough to keep me shining
would you be generous to let me in to you life
would you be merciful and sympathise on me
a perfect someone whom i adore and wait upon

please stay here by my side
or would you rather let me be heartbroken all over again
please be still
cause i can't catch you with you slipping away

or you prefer me catching you before the fall
and letting you go during summer
while waiting for winter before i meet you again
whereas i am depressed when i can't see you when spring is near

darling please be mine
cause i hunger for your joy
and of course i always yearn for a lover like you
with my thirst of a dream, hoping you will be my own

I wish things may last, especially something called love that made me feel brand new. While I am waiting here for you, please don't go and leave me shattered all over again. Wish you'll wait for me too...

Baby please stay right here with me,right here in my heart,and put me in your heart,as the only lover who waits for you...

cintailah cinta...

2007-05-11T11:56:00.000-07:00
ketika kupikir aku menemukan cinta, makin aku jatuh dalam jurang tak berdasar. kemaren2 aku sama sa maen2 gitu, yg rada2, jadi guilty banget deh. coba gimana mau pelayanan kalo ada pikiran ttg gituan, udah ngerasa diri sendiri jijik, buat orang laen jadi jijik juga. aku benci sama diriku sendiri. pengen aku pergi menghilang dari sini, keluar dari hidupnya. mungkin bukan yg terbaik bagiku, tapi lebih baik untuknya(walaupun itu cuma pikiranku).
aku cinta dia, aku gak mau kehilangan dia, tapi itu hanya keegoisanku semata. pengen aku gak lepas dia, tapi kenapa hati ini bicara 'loe gak pantes buat dia' kenapa? dilema kurasa, dia masih muda, pengen rasanya aku lepaskan dia supaya bahagia dia dapat tanpaku, walaupun aku takut dia sakit, bahkan lebih dari itu, dia gak tau betapa sakitnya diriku sekarang, apalagi sampe kita tuh putus. dunia serasa terbalik, aku gak sanggup kehilangan cinta, gak sanggup sakit lagi. Please God, tunjjukan jalan terbaik. walaupun itu bukan yg terbaik bagiku, jadikanlah itu terbaik untuknya. dia yang selalu kucinta, dia yang selalu menjadi isi hatiku, melingkupi bagian2 kosong yang selama ini terlupakan.
sa, aku sayang kamu. kamu tau gak? betapa hati ini merindukanmu, merasa bersalah dengan apa yang aku lakukan dan tidak lakukan ke kamu. aku bersalah banget sama kamu. Sa, memang kamu gak mau ninggalin aku, dan begitupun aku, tapi aku telah merampas segudang kebahagiaan yang menantimu. kalau saja waktu akan berhenti, kalau saja...
fotomu akan terus terpajang di bingkaiku, di hatiku, di pikiranku tanpa kamu pernah sadari. kamu yang selalu kuharap menjadi seseorang yang mendampingiku, menemaniku, tapi kenapa aku sedih sekarang? aku gak pernah mau kamu tahu kalau aku sedih, karena aku gak mau kamu sedih, atau sampe jadi beban pikiran kamu. 8 tahun aku bilang, apa kamu bisa sayang? 2998 hari lagi. 3000 hari kamu terus menunggu, setiap harinya aku gak mau kamu sedih2 terus, jalanilah dengan segenap kebahagiaanmu. You're always be my love. my baby, my darling, aku mau bahagiain kamu for the rest of your life.
sorry, barusan kamu telp, kamu gak tau aku baru nangis. sorry kalo setiap kali aku buat kamu khawatir, worried, gak lagi, kamu gak suah worry buat aku, i will be fine. dari sekarang aku gak bakal depend sama kamu lagi. sebenernya pilek aku udah sembuh, tapi gara2 nangis,kambuh lagi deh. aku tau kamu bisa hidup tanpa aku, aku yg malah gak bsia hidup tanpa kamu. ya udah deh, aku gak mau banyak2 ngetik lagi, bsia gak berhenti nih nangisnya.
GBU

When you come and changed my whole world

2006-09-15T07:16:00.000-07:00
when i thought that love just another betrayal
when i thought that you are just another passer by
when i thought i could never love again
and when you give me that smile and soft laughter that brighten up my whole life

while i lost my hope to love
you've come to remind me of 'it' all over again
when i give on every hope of man
you gave me a glance of light on my gloomy tunnel

would you be kind enough to keep me shining
would you be generous to let me in to you life
would you be merciful and sympathise on me
a perfect someone whom i adore and wait upon

please stay here by my side
or would you rather let me be heartbroken all over again
please be still
cause i can't catch you with you slipping away

or you prefer me catching you before the fall
and letting you go during summer
while waiting for winter before i meet you again
whereas i am depressed when i can't see you in autumn

darling please be mine
cause i hunger for your joy
and of course i always yearn for a lover like you
with my thirst of a dream, hoping you will be my own

okay, from Ivan to me. continue people...

2006-05-28T09:37:00.000-07:00
Name 20 people you can think of right now at the top of your head.
Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people.
At the end tag at least 5 people.

1.Samuel
2.Glen
3.Anne
4.Rachel
5.Ivan
6.Grace
7.Robin
8.Morgan
9.Rio
10.Venessa
11.Katherine
12.hendra
13.hm... Jessica
14.Nicole
15.Mellisa
16.Phillip
17.Chrestella
18.Jennifer
19.Hester
20.Amidela

1. How did you meet 14?
my friend's sis, an currently we need to at least meet once a week for TRC service.

2. What would you do if you've never met 1?
Wah, shifu gue nih. udah 3 taon ngajar flag, sampe gue udah segede gajah gini, tapi gedean dia sih, soalnya dia godzilla. hahaha... yah kayaknya dia yg selama ini guide gue kok, kalo gak ada dia yah, siapa yg rela ngeguide gue dong? hahaha... chong gue ini udah basuh kaki gue loh. hehehe... =)

3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Pasti garing abies, soalnya dua2nya sobih gue yg garing banget. Rio tuh super garing dan ami tuh paling sensi sama gue n garing banget. ah jgn deh, cari yg basah ato alot aja, kalo gak mah bisa berabe.

4. Did you ever like 19?
did i? gak sih, temen gue n sohib yg kayak aer n gak pernah abis2. hahaha... like as friend? pasti dong,l tapi kan gak lover yah. hehe...

5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
gile, jangan sampe yah, entar lesbongan dong. yah both attached to their own guy, so there's no possibility that they will be a couple for now.

6. Describe 3.
sohib gue nih di kanto Diamond energy. hehehe... ya gak sih? temen cerita, temen ngegaring, temen makan, temen shopping, temen ngerumpi dan berbagi berkat. tapi gue dikasih kebanyakan berkat daripada dia, soalnya perutnya gedean gue jauh. hahaha... dia juga temen gue yg kasih gue advice terus nih. n of course last or not least, kita berdua 1 gereja di Bethany Church Singapore. =)

7. Do you think 8 is attractive?
of course he is. God created him in a creative way and he is shaped as a creative individual. hehehe...

8. Tell me something about 7.
guitarist cum bassist, ganti aliran tuh dia, tapi katanya mau setia sama gitarnya.... hahha....

9. Do you know any of 12's family?
wah gile, kita ber2 tuh relative jauh abies.... yah gak sampe abis sih, tapi jauh, jadi familynya gue gak kenal deh, tapi dia sering cerita ke gue. hehe...

10. What's 8's favourite?
hm... play pool, reading God's Words, Praise n worship God, apalagi yah? hm... having a dream to travel the world.

11. What would you do when 18 confesses that he/she likes you?
hm... i like her too... my flaggist junior, phillip's sister. gue seneng ada dia yg sering bantu gue. n dia tuh murid gue yg paling baek n nurut. what reason i have not to like her?

12. What language(s) does 15 speak?
indo/english/mandarin tambah malay deh. i think she can speak in tongue too... hahaha...

13. Who is 9 going out with?
dia sama si.... ngak siapa2 sih. soalnya dia tuh anak baek, mau bener2 sekolah. hehehe... gak boleh pacaran pake uang papi mami yah rio...

14. How old is 16 now?
recently turn 14

15. When was the last time you talked to 13?
unfortunately it's just hours ago. personally, 4-5 hours and on msn, 2-3 hours ago.

16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
banyak banget, cuma tau Hillsong, sonicflood, dll dsb, sia yg sering send ke gue banyak lagu, gila deh koleksinya. hahaha...

17. Would you ever date 4?
gue? hm... think 3 times, 4 X, gue takut sih. takut dehajar sama yg di Amrik... mending kan kalo cuma yg di amrik, kan jauh... gak bisa langsung hajar gue, tapi fans clubnya entar nerror gue semua.... ih syerem...

18. Would you ever date 7?
date? gak pernah berdua deh rasanya. pasti ada orang bareng2. entar abisnya dia ngomong yg aneh2 sih. bagi kalian yg tau... shhhhh.... hahaha...

19. Is 15 single?
status di FS sih iya, tapi..... tuh di testi, dia sama cowok kayak bales2an surat cinta gitu. hyi.... syerem juga... gue jadi gak ngerti deh.

20. What's 10's last name?
Chua... hahaha... gue pasti tau, udah kenal dia hampir 1 tahun. plus... gue tuh pegang list lengkap nama2 kalian2 semua tau. hehehe... =P

21. Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
hm... emang serius kan? apanya yg gak serius coba? gue kan gak maen2 terus. hahaha... yah terserah Tuhan deh, kalo gue emang bo bian harus serius sama dia gimana dong? hahaha... canda people... gak terpaksa kok. dia aja attached gitu loh.... masa gue serius sama ceweknya orang sih...

22. What school does 3 go to?
Thames, tapi udah mau lulus degree...

23. Where does 6 live?
Ang mo kio... n di jakartanya, deket pasar muara karang, tapi gue mana tau blok apa... emangnya gue tukang parkir yg hapal perumahan daerah sana. hehehe...

24. What's your fav thing about 5?
Dia tuh dependant sama Tuhan Yesus, itu favourite gue. n dia tuh bisa diajak sharing2 hahaha... sharing, bukan gossip yah...

tag:
-Samuel
-wah, venessa pernah tuh, jessica deh
-siapa yg belom pernah ngisi yah? Katherine deh.
-Glen.... did u do this before?
-rio.... bang, kamu kan gak pernah buat gini2an. hahaha...

so much to blog, so little space

2005-05-12T06:10:00.000-07:00
Too much that i have experience without putting all of them to the blog. i missed mission trip, i miss those days, i miss celebrating b'day there, i miss the people there and also i miss my mission teammates. lots of thing happenned, but i know all those happenned with God's permission. I know that i am mould to be His pot, all these while i never regret being in The Potter's hand. fun, joy, sad, reminiscing and praying, all those i have gone through all this while. Thanks to The Lord, Jesus Christ.

bete....

2005-04-22T08:46:00.000-07:00
napa resleting tas gue rusak bbrp sebelom gue harus mission trip sih? tapi gpp... gue suka banget sama tas gue yg itu, telah lama menemani gue dalam susah dan senang. sometimes gue mikir, apa Tuhan juga mikir gitu yah? pas2an orang baru bertobat, lagi berapi2, Tuhan langsung pake dia pelan2, trus sampe lamaan dikit, makin dikasih perkara besar, trus nanti udah tua, trus capek, apa Tuhan tiba2 bilang, 'I'll still use you, dear child'? may be the answer is "take a rest My child, you have done a good job." maybe after mission trip, gue bakalan put that bag a side, taro di sana, n said 'rest well, i'll never throw u away.' emang banyak barang2 yg ada nilai sentimentalnya. sekarang gue ngerti maksud Hester napa dia ngamuk2 waktu barang2nya mau di buang. Ngingetin gue juga kalo musa ada tongkat yg cuma dia n Tuhan tau arti ukiran2 di tongkatnya, di mana setiap dia go through experience with God, dia bakalan ukir satu per satu. kapan nih tongkat gue penuh? mungkin se per 5 aja belom penuh. huahuaa....

God bless...

This maybe my last post...

2005-04-22T08:25:00.000-07:00
i'm going for mission trip to Kubung island, an island beside Batam. I may not know God's plan for me right now, but i believe, it's for good. Even if I have to die for Him, i'll die willingly. No matter what, i'll give my very best for Him. just now i see my bro with another group of people, without noticing I'm there, it's like i'm losing someone i love and it's rather sad if it happen, the same as i am losing someone that i love very much, even though it's for someone she love most. I know it hurts, but as long as she is happy, i am willing. The worst scenario of all is, when i lost God, when i lose my faith in Him, then i remember all my friends that I try to console and bring to Him, still loving Him, but me, in a corner crying that i lost my God. I remember Greek's handshake that reminds me of God's love, that someday when we are tired and losing hope in Him, He will never let His hand go, holding us till we are ready to go back to Him. Love Lord Jesus very much. No matter what, the most precious thing that i ever have is God. not that i find Him, but He come and find me. I'm so fortunate that i have lots of great encounter and experience with God. I am thankful that a lot of process happens to me, that mould me into a better pot in His Hand, a Potter's hand. no matter what i do, i know i'm doing them with God watching over me. I am not afraid that i will be disapointed, cause i have a great God, and that's enough.

God bless....

sometimes i miss u, sometimes i am scared to said it out. but still i want to be single till 21. is that alright, baby?

2005-04-20T09:44:00.000-07:00
that's my nick in msn now. actually i am just given an article by ci Harti yesterday that tell me about being single for today. hahaa... by grace purnama or something, forget. bu i heard her voice today, kinda suprised n feeling a bit missing her. i tried to hate her in order to forget her. i tried to think that she love another guy in order to disappoint myself. i tried to tell myself that she won't love me, so that i never hope an d never try to love. i tried for all these while not to love her, giving an attention or something, but she did those to me. can't she leave me, so i will cry in the corner of my room and forget her forever? can I forget those days we shared, those moment we shared, those secrets we opened up to each other? can i just being left alone. but for the next few weeks, i won't contact her at all, i'm going back indo for mission trip n jakarta for holiday. can i just have no feeling at all for her? i just feel hopeless in front of her. when i love her, i am putting a mask. when i treat her just a friend later on, i give my attention freely, cause i am not afraid of being accused wrongly. but when she take those attention and feel disturbed, i am not giving any later on. I try not to give attention at all, try to hate her to the core. but why i can't forget her? maybe time flies, and months passes, it's all will just be gone. i hope. God, spare me from all of these thoughts. I want to be single to serve God, maybe till 21 and then i'll let God decide everything for me.

today BBQ was great, letting go of all the 3rd years, and celebrate steph's birthday. hahaha... thanks to Ami, the organiser, even though still have a lot of lacking here and there, but for2 days effort, still acceptable. hahaha....

take care
God bless everyone....
He died for every single people on this earth...

Happy...

2005-04-18T08:26:00.000-07:00
i've got nothing much to say, went to rumah Kak Petrus for meeting Mission trip, trus makan yam, gile, kayak makan ayam penyet aja, tapi ini versi gedenya. hahaha... enaknya... trus nonton film indo yg berjudul 'virgin'. banyak moral storynya tuh. hehehe... n meeting with many kinds of people, especially feliz, si imut, brillyan, grace, albert, rut, ami, felix, n patricia. kecuali jimmy yg di indo. huehue...

okay, just got back fro PCF AGM meeting, reports of all previous semester activities, and appointing of new Excos for the upcoming semester. Everything went nicely, except when i am asked to give a speech, blamed anjo for this, cause this is not in the agenda. And also closing prayer which i am unprepared n very nervous, caused i am very seldom pray in English, hahaha...

tomorrow, going to SP, proposing flyer to give to freshies during the orientation and meet miss Lim, the teacher in charge, see how then. hahaha... God works and He give miracles...

pusing2... bbq rabu? besok meeting. that's what i waited for. makan di rumah lioes.... yay... fun...

udah deh.
take care
God bless...

thank you everyone...

2005-04-17T09:50:00.000-07:00
seems like a lot of people so concern bout me. so many.... esp. si hes2 sama si sam2. hauhuaa... thank you for all the encouragement. sometimes being problematic is not bad, then i know who is the real friends and who's not? hahaha... kidding, not being concern doesn't mean u don't care, but u have some more important things to do. I'm fine now, especially this coming saturday I'll be going for mission trip in indo for 10 days. the next few days, i'll be going for MS meetings, PCF gatherings, camp meetings, Survey camp places, EE upgrade, dll n dsb, i only remember these fews, can't remember most of it yet, because mission trip block the rest of meetings and training. hahaha...
Oh, i remember that I assigned my most trusted second person to take over JC practice, i know she can learn to take care of these teenagers. I believe her. hahaha... Also there's dedi n Indra who can help her. confirm she's able to do it, i believe...
next one, where i can buy flags for the JC people? 6 pairs of them. Rio said it's in tangerang but dunno which part exactly. ask torry if i got the chance. hahaha... maybe titip sam again? not nice, everytime titip him terus. hehehe... baju juga. sekarang bahkan kita ngak pernah pake rompi2 lagi. =P
ok, just chat with torry, busy guy. hahaha... dia bilang di metanois tangerang ada, or custom made it. thx yo...

tadi ikut kebaktian pengutusan, orang2 sharing ttg kenapa n apa yg diharapkan, and i'm supposedly to share, tapi nunggu sampe the last one, but then patrice saved me by stepping up in front n shared which are supposed to be shared later on. me n brillyan just laughed. hahha... no wonder i find it rather weird.

Tomorrow there's mission trip meeting at 9.45 bukit batok. very2 early, then in the evening, PCF gathering, supposed to make a short speech as some of them told me to. no choice, since i am elected the new chairman. i am a shy person, do u think i can make the speech? hahaha...

Tuesday, camp survey and meeting after that, wednesday supposed to be empty i think, or maybe meet up with Jhon Hendry n Hendrik, cell group.

thurdsay, EE upgrade.

Friday, FA day, dun disturb.... i can't go FA for the next few weeks if i never go this friday. hahaha... FA (Family Altar), it's called cell group usually.

now in indo, gue bingung, waktu gue bilang nanti tgl 23 gue ke batam, bokap gue fine2 aja, gue bilang ber 10 sama temen, trus tinggal rumah orang gitu. yah minta dana nih kali ini, gue bilang 1 jt aja deh, trus dibilang, emangnya cukup? emangnya mau kasih brp duit nih? disuruh ambil di atm aja, pinjem kartu koko gue aja. trus disuruh pake kartu telp indo koko gue, katanya jgn diilangin, soalnya no.nya koko gue suka. hahaha... ya ampun deh, mending beli baru deh. gue juga dikasih kartu jempol sama koko gue. hahaha... masa cuma isi 5000 rupiah? pake telp brp menit? 1 atau 2 menit cukup kali yah? gitu deh....

last but not least, thank you buanget sama temen yg selalu ngalir bareng gue, understanding banget sih kalo gue lagi ada masalah. muach muach.... sun pipi kiri n kanan. jgn2 ada kamera pengintai yah? kasian deh ngak bisa ke sg, tunggu gue di jkt deh yah. huahaa....

oh iya, ketemu si flora tadi, pass buku manna surgawi, trus yah ngobrol2, n ngerasa times flies, kita ngomong nearly 50 minutes and keep standing. aneh deh, ngak terasa. emang kalo orang tampang happy, belom tentu lagi seneng. masalah dan cobaan kan selalu dateng. kadang2 berbarengan lagi. stressnya... huahua.... gpp... cia you yah... sama2 maju terus... =)

take care
God bless...

Experiencing GOD

2005-04-16T09:07:00.000-07:00
sometimes people cry because of problems, tonnes of them.
but today i cry because of God who is holding me tight and carry me through every problems.
i am experiencing a lot of pressure and lots of problems. it's kinda process allowed by God.
thing changed, when i think of holiday, i think of fun n joy n freedom, but it's not over. Personal problems, clubs, mission trip, camps, Flags, and other problems which make me fall everytime i walk with my own strength. Now, i believe, without God, nothing i can do. I know i am weak, when i realised it, then i know that i should use God's strength. need Him to take over everything. I really can't survive without Him.

udah2, selesai di bahasa inggris, Indo turn.

belakangan ini, emang gue sendiri ada banyak masalah internal, heart n soul. =P
apaan sih, yah if u know me well, pasti tau deh. that's all, the rest is too private too share with. haha.. sleeping. going for mission trip 23-3 may. going back indo after that, maybe at 6 or 7. haiz...

Blog in English (*very2 Wierd*)

2005-04-15T10:12:00.000-07:00
as i promised my classmate Ling, that i should write my blog in english starting from now, it's like i'm writing in some foreign language that i never ever learn before. it's hard honestly speaking and i'm not used to it. hahaha.... anyway, it doesn't matter.

Firstly, i woke up very2 late around 10 when my brother's handphone alarm went off, and it did not stop until i got down to his bed and pressed on the tiny botton. Disturb my whole sweet dream, and until now, i still can vividly remember my dream, involving a little pretty pampered gal with her BF, which is my ex-schoolmate, very patient and loving guy. Gosh, it's like my imagination gone wild, i love the gal, but she's far too much, i pity her boyfriend. hahaha...

In the afternoon, going to library to return 2 DVDs which i think already expired, but they aren't, cause the school library extend it to 14 days for borrowing and can borrow up to 4 DVDs now. cool one... then some of the comps can be used to play counter-strike, i tried that. hahaha...

then i went to Singapore Conference Hall with Lioes, wanna know what is SYF. =P ya, the worst part is the tickets are finished and it's like a wasted trip without going into the hall. I know, because it's free, so some singaporeans grab all those. hate them.... hahaha... kidding, i enjoyed going there and grabbing all the interesting flyers for performances in singapore this coming months, hoping i got all the time and money to watch them all. further more, if Hester is coming to Singapore. hahaha.... right, Hes?

next, Jurong point, window shopping, waiting for meeting, then went to Steph's house, eat, celebrate Birthday n Discussion. very long2 meeting, with lots of laughters and guitar practising. cool one. hahaha.... that's almost done for the day.

Peace and love
God Bless....

p.s. actually i want to writhe the rest of the paragraph in Indo, because i never promised to write everything in English, so first paragraph counted, right? hahaha....

hei.... happy....

2005-04-12T09:12:00.000-07:00
gile, selama bbrp hari ini, pergi makan terus sama ii lena, ramon, ngurus application sekolah, sama makan2 terus. yah gitu deh, emang sohib gue ini masih bingung mau di sg atau ngak. kasian deh. hehehe... liat rencana Tuhan deh, daripada pusing2 sendiri.

secondly, secara tidak disengaja di bus tuh ketemu beatrice waktu tadi pulang, like a a real coincidence, and next to her, is cynthia cici Chrestel. cool.... n waktu jalan pulang, abis pisah sama Beatrice, Cyn nanya, "cewek loe?" dalem hati gue cuma ketawa, 'kapan handy dapet cewek yah? hauhaua.... ' more than that, kayaknya jarang banget ketemu mereka2, walaupun 1 apartement. hahaha...

finally, gue sudah berhasil menghilangkan perasaan suka ataupun benci or whatsoever. yay.... happy dong, dulu itu gue struggle, but after all, it's God's grace. emang kalo udah commitment, jgn coba2 deh untuk batal2in. hhuehuee.... yakin nga berhasil, walaupun berhasil, bakalan nyesel nantinya. gile, udah sering denger dari orang2 sih n gue sendiri ngerasain sendiri. hehehe...

udah deh, mau bobo....
hoping tomorrow will be a great day.

God bless...

it's over...

2005-04-11T01:41:00.000-07:00
semuanya selesai, dari pr, project, sekolah, and everythign else. sisa 1. mission trip, 2. booking of place for camp leadeship which is left aloha, sarimbun camp and st. francis. aih....
bete deh, susah banget cari tempat.
okay, and another great task is ngurusin anak2 JC, with rules, regulation and structure. actually i have made them, belom send ke sam and ci biena aja. bete deh... so many things to do.

udah mau pergi ke mission trip meeting. padahal hari ini mau pergi liat pembukaan bible thingy by louis di cityhall. jam 6.30. haiz.... really2 want to get involve. cycling di pulau ubin and raise fund to buy bibles for 3rd world countries.

udah deh. lots of things happen, i just dun want to hope, hope may come true, but i dun want it to come true. sigh... i hope i am elita, who is able to hope for such a long time, eventhough she know it's slim and believe miracles happen... lucky lita.

bye...
got to go
God bless...

nyesat2in...

2005-04-07T09:30:00.000-07:00
ok, di sela2 kesibukan gue, sempet2in blog sekali deh hari ini. hahaha...

firstly, gue diingetin sama si hes2 kemaren, kalo gue tuh orang yg nyesatin, apalagi kalo udah mulai ngegombal. wah2. emang handy tuh yah. udah banyak korban juga sih, jadi ngak enak hati. udah sampe banyak yg bilang, eh loe tuh suka sama gue ngak sih? n when i said no, 'mereka bilang, napa action loe said so.' n i ask, "really?"
mati ngak tuh? udha banyak yg salah sangka lagi, n lastly sih yg ngak sengaja tersesat tuh adalah temen baek gue tuh, dia tuh bakalans second last deh yg gue gombalin, soalnya yg last tuh istri gue nanti. hauhuaa.... ya ngak sih? tapi since this year, gue berubah banget, karena case2 seperti ini, sampe gue ngak enak hati sama salah 1 classmate gue nih (dasar handy, sesat terus tuh). this year gue ngerasa gue tuh lebih diem, no. 2 gue tuh lebih cool ke siapa aja, terutama cewek, no3. gue tuh kalo ngomogn makin ngasal, maybe beneran mau nyakitin orang gitu, sarcastic, malahan very2 sarcastic, jahat yah gue? sadar ngak sadar, gue sendiri tau habis gue mikir2 lagi.

trus korban sarcastic gue sih biasanya adalah .... terlalu banyak, ngak bisa sebutin satu per satu. sometimes people that i give the most sarcastic answer, question and remarks are those i care most, tapi gue hide feeling gue. ngak tau napa sih, tapi itulah gue. ngak mau sampe orang tau apa yg gue rasakan.

ok2, last but not least i receive a msg from a friend, telling me like this "kish cinta mmg penuh harapan. mau blg aja, just b urself. jgn terlalu maksa. tapi lo sebelon balik, blg dulu ama cewek itu. she deserve 2 knoe n u deserve 2 let ur feelin known.'
duh gile, what did i think? i mean gue ngak tau yah, emangnya harus kasih tau? kalo udah ngak ada feeling gimana? takutnya malah nanti gue tuh kayak mau the response of the other pary dong yah. should i tell that i care? kata dedi sih, action speaks louder than words, gue sih setuju, it's like no point to tell if it's never been done. if my feeling being known, it's like i'm wanting the person to know n want her response to it. wah, ngak gue banget tuh kan. i've done that, and i've learnt my lesson well. ngak lagi deh.
this time i dun know yah. masih bakal gue gumulin. walaupun dedi bilang, everything happen for a reason. gue tau dedi know something, but he just hint to me a bit. n i dunno what.
that's all.
tomorrow last day of school. n i am not going to sleep. portfolio review. hahaha....
nitez...
God bless...

kadang suka bisa jadi benci

2005-04-05T06:34:00.000-07:00
gue ngak tau napa, kenapa kadang cinta sangat mudah menjadi benci. gue juga ngak tau napa? cuma gue suka sama orang yang udah made an effort for me. bukan karena gue tuh suka dihargai atau apa, cuma kalo sampe that person mau korbanin waktu, niat n dll untuk gue, kayaknya dia tuh worth something in my eyes. that's why i have decided to return something ke dia. duh, kan kayaknya ngak enak dong, kenapa tuh orang bisa korbanin something for me, while i am not. gue tau, dia ngak expect apa2 dari gue, and everything she gave is very sincere of her. gue cuma returning my appreciation. toh taon depan belom tentu bakalan sekelas lagi. toh tahun ini juga ngak sedeket tahun lalu. tapi ngak tau napa, kalo deket sama salah satu opposite sex, pasti aja ada gossip ngak enak keluar, bikin bete aja. ngak di sekolah, ngak di gereja, ngak di neighbourhood, semuanya sama deh. kadang2 cowok sama cewek ngak bsia ajdi sekedar temen apa? ngomong2 soal temen, keinget temen2 lama gue yg udah ngak gitu deket lagi, ngak tau napa, cuma kayak ada 1 transisi aja di mana kita tuh oisah begitu aja. gue rasa sih ini caused by both party and not only one. secondly, gue cuma mau bilang, gue tuh ngak possesive kok, rasanya kalo ngak kasih ruang ke seseorang, ngak bagus deh. like ' Hello... u are intervering my life so much' and meaning is i dun like it. hahaha.... tapi it's where people think that i dun care bout them, and relationship drift apart....

i luv her for what i see in her, the real her, and not people's view bout her. i luv her cause of her character, but not her exterior looks. i love her cause she is unique, that no one else have it before, i love her because of love. love that can't be expressed by words and i lied that i have a reason to love, because there is no reason to love. if love need a reason, love can be gone when all those reasons have gone too. ngak tau napa, kadang gue ngak ada alasan untuk mencinta, karena cinta itu datang secara natural. sejak gue pandang dia, sejak gue kenal dia, sejak kita ngobrol, sejak kita duduk bareng dan cerita tentang kehidupan kita, sejak waktu yang berlalu tanpa sepatah kata yang keluar, gue cuma ngerasa kalo loe tuh hadir dan ada di sisi gue, itu sudah cukup. apa perlu yang lain2? ngak perlu. ngak perlu candle light dinner, ngak perlu kita spend romantic time in france or venice. karena saya mencintai sepenuhnya akan apa yg kamu punya dan bukan apa yang kamu tidak punya.

cintailah dia selagi kamu bisa mencinta karena waktu ini jahat,
tidak setiap hari kita bangun dan mau mencintai semua orang,
semua orang layak kamu cinta, bahkan musuhmu
jika anda tidak pernah mencinta, belajarlah karena cinta adalah sesuatu yang mengagumkan

bayangkan anak muda yang sedang dilanda cinta
dia sanggup bekerja keras untuk memberikan hadiah kepada kekasihnya
bayangkan berapa banyak waktu telah dikorbankan hanya untuk memikirkan sang kekasih
terlebih lagi komitment yang diambil untuk membahagiakan pasangannya

jika cinta bisa mengubah kehidupan seseorang
mengapa tidak cinta mengubah orang itu menjadi lebih baik
cinta tidak selalu menyenangkan
tapi tanpa cinta, hidup pasti sia2

sakit, pasti dialami oleh semua orang yang pernah mencinta
tapi apakah sakit itu menghentikan kita untuk mencinta
iya, jika kita terus mengingat kembali luka lama itu
tetapi tidak jika kita menghadap ke depan dan terus mencoba untuk mencinta

for someone who is hurt by love
keep trying, love is not love when it's not shared.
love is not love when it is only kept inside you.

for someone who has never love and dun want to,
try it, when it hurts, u are closer to success
keep trying and u know, someday it will come to you.

peace and love
Handy

emotionally unstable...

2005-04-04T08:59:00.000-07:00
jadi keinget lagi deh kalo gue tuh pernah sakit... pasrtly gara2 gue cerita sama temen gue. secondly, gue baru sembuh baru2 ini. ngak mau ngomongin lagi deh.

mending sekarang mikirin gimana bales surat 2 pages dari si ibu hes2. hauhaua....
panjang buanget. ngak tahan deh.... mau tulis apa yah gini panjang? gombal gue aja deh gue taro di sini. hahaha... canda2. boong deh. masa taro gombal sih.

nitez.... God bless...

haih.... pusing kadang2 kalo duah banyak tanggung jawab

2005-04-04T08:11:00.000-07:00
ngak bsia lari ke mana2. pusing dong yah. aih... banyak kerjaan ini itu. tapi pusing kerjain apa duluan. bete ah....

hahaha....

2005-04-03T06:39:00.000-07:00
tau ngak, tadi temen gue lagi denger kotbah, highlighting alkitab sama catet kotbahnya, n in the mean time, gue scribbling a letter for my friend yg di indo, n somehow 10 minutes later, an sms come saying => gimana cara bales suratnya hes? => pake surat aja...
n that's the coincidental part that i am laughing out of nowhere in the middle of silence, di saat orang2 lagi denger kotbah. n i am kinda guilty, masa denger kotbah sambil mikirin surat sih. haiz.... cuma gue bales aja, emangnya ada camera yah di sini, kok bisa tau gue juga lagi nulis surat sih? serem ih.....
emangnya sering pas gitu yah? aneh. kadang2 dia tau kalo gue habis mandi ato habis pulang.... ih, masa sih ada camera atau mata2 deket gue? jgn2 pake satelit amerika dia....

oh iya, btw tadi pagi gue berangkat bareng sherly ke gereja, n guess what. no cab... udah brp lama yah ke gereja naek cab? telatttt.... mulu sih. huahaua.... karena hari ini gue kan cepet2 mandi n ngak enak dia nunggu. hahaha.... miracle do happen.

oh iya, last but not least ada temen gue nih yg mau curhat, kapan2 dia telp, emang gue tempat curhat yah? dari dulu emang orang2 suka curhat sama gue. =P and gue sih completely fine n really fine, i mean my feeling n my life. denger lagu 'fall' by united live, let your spirit fall with power, change my life. i want to live for you my Lord.
seru yah.... emang minggu kemaren gue masih inget YRC yg bener2 ngubah cara pandang dan gimana kita bisa hidup dalam Roh Kudus. n we can't i f we have a stone inside us that prevent Holy Spirit from entering into our lives. n minggu lalu gue decide untuk lepasin ganjelan itu, feel great, ngak ada yg namanya sakit hati, gue malah thank God, itu buat gue bertumbuh. n related to it, hari ini waktu worship, tiba2 kepikiran ttg ternyata Tuhan mau kaish gue pasangan hidup yang doesn't see appearance as the most imortant part of loving me. and i wonder, how trus it can be... i believe deh.... ngak terpaksa sih, tapi kayak 'ehm... possible?' possible with God i believe.

and las but not least, inget2 si tine2 yg lagi kesepian di boston. hauhuaa... cheer up girl. tunggu aja sampe waktunya Tuhan baru deh cari tuh pasangan hidup. jgn buru2 yah. =P

yah emang time flies... udah lewat bulan ke bulan, tahun ke tahun. akhirnya lega juga beban2 lama udah lepas. sakit hati udah hilang, temen dateng n pergi. that's life. just enjoying it. process of growing. hahaha...
nitez n God bless....

cinta...

2005-03-22T06:07:00.000-08:00

no title

2005-03-22T04:22:00.000-08:00
kapan kau masuk ke dalam hidupku
kapan kau mulai menghancurkanku perlahan-lahan
kapan kau mempermainkan perasaanku tanpa kusadari
kapan kau mencuri hati yang sudah pecah hancur

tak kusadari hari berganti minggu berganti bulan
sudah terlewati waktu tanpa kusadari aku perlahan jatuh cinta
cinta terlarang yang tak seharusnya dimulai
tanyata terlambat untuk aku kembali ke masa dulu

sekrang sesal yang tersisa di hatiku
benakku penuh dengan bayanganmu
sakit serasa jiwaku terlepas dari tubuh fanaku
sesaat ku tersenyum tatapi selamanya kumenangis

tak akan lagi cinta kupelihara
tak sekali lagi ku memandang cinta
tak mampu lagi aku mencinta
tak mungkin cinta akan masuk ke hidupku lagi

cuma Tuhan yang memulihkanku
hanya Dia yang memberikan cinta yang asli
dan kebenaran itu kudapat dariNya
terima kasih Tuhan Yesus atas cinta yang tak pernah mengharapkan apa2

karena cinta dunia tak pernah memberikan kepuasan
cinta dunia tak pernah memberikan kepastian
cinta dunia tak pernah memberikan harapan
dan cinta dunia selalu mementingkan diri sendiri

aku terus mencoba untuk tidak mencinta
aku akan bertahan untuk tidak membagi kasih
aku selalu menghindar dari tebaran asmara dunia
aku berusaha menyangkal diri untuk memusuhi cinta dunia

jeng jeng jeng jeng....

2005-03-22T03:48:00.000-08:00
masih inget waktu lisa ngomong "jeng jeng jeng jeng" waktu dia masukin her lsat 2 ball in the game. and then stanley say "i hate you..." waktu lisa masukin bola itu. and lisa bales " i hate you more than you hate me." duh, luckily cuma maen2, ngak emosi dong yah stanley di kalahin sama lisa yg baru hari itu belajar maen pool. hahaha... emang seru waktu stanley ke sg. sometimes i wonder if it's just a start of spart of flame. nick gue selama ini, 'how it sound when lisa say jeng jeng jeng jeng.... hahaha.... jatohin image banget. gpp lah, kan lisa imut. =P', emang nick ini lucu deh, malah si sam relate kalo gue suka lisa n jadiin gosip baru sama si jupri. hahaha... kinda funny. she's cute with the innocent face out there and also very cool character 'kalem'. huahua.... that's all for today.

indah juga rasanya hidup di masa holiday...

2005-03-20T08:22:00.000-08:00
selagi stanley mengunjungi singapore, gue juga ikut2 pergi bareng sam, darwin, catherine, lisa, dkk. terlalu buanyak, dari maen pool sampe nonton. emang seru, apalagi saat pre-holiday kayak gini. udah gitu saat si stanley ketemu si 'i hate you' lisa. hahaha... asal jgn dendam aja waktu dikalahin waktu maen pool. muahahaha.... for a starter, lisa tuh udah jago, n stanley out of luck. emang stanley udah jadi boss perusahaan sendiri, ngak disangka2, dalam umur yg baru kepala 2. emang kadang2 hidup tuh harus ada yg suprising, if it's keep on constant, rasanya boring juga. kayak event youth concert, youth conference, youth nite, convocation. rasanya event2 ginian bikin orang tambah semangat, karena different feeling comes in these big events. kayak kita flaggist latihan terus, kan bete n bosen juga, ada outing sekali2, tambah semangat deh, tambah unity. dul itung2 flaggist dikit, around 6 ppl n semuanya baru2. ke mana2 bareng, jalan2 bareng, tapi lama2 emang mau gimana yg namanya unity yah kalo banyak member n baru, n ngak pada kenal semua gitu. stress dong.... hahaha... tapi gpp, kita2 yg senior mesti unity dulu. kangen rasanya sama si tine2, fanny, members yg dulu2 saat gue baru awal2 join flag. anyway, that's long2 time ago, almost 2 years since i first joined, july 2003. hahaha....
btw, sam lagi mikir uat next replacement of leaders, so.... discussing now. who to choose? who u guess? hahaha...

yes...

2005-03-18T04:38:00.000-08:00
gue beryukur buat submission yg duah over. emang i have done my best last few days, i know it's not enough, tapi kalo bener2 gue bisa promoted, rasanya itu God's grace. rasanya bener2 ngak mungkin. gpp deh. now....., i'm free... emang banyak banget yg belom dikerjain, tanggung jawab yg laen2 yg tertunda, n someone who's waiting for me, negleted so much, tapi gpp kan? masa ngak ngertiin sih? =P canda2. pokoknya, yse the time wisely, time will never turn back. it's like a walk with no return, go straight ahead, u can't go back, so walk carefully...

HANDY ADALAH MANUSIA BODOH...

2005-03-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

Manusia Bodoh
by Ada Band

Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi Satu kenangan manis
Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang kali
Reff :
Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir
Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Tak cukup membendungnya
Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku
Bridge :
Semua kisah pasti ada akhir
Yang harus dilalui
Begitu juga akhir kisah ini
Yakinku indah
Tapi sampai kapankah kuharus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu

2005-03-17T11:22:00.000-08:00
3 DETAILING
1 INTERIOR
1 EXTERIOR FACING WHOLE FACADE
3 PLAN
1 STRUCTURE PLAN
1 MODEL
1 ELEVATION LAGI
PHOTOSHOP
JOURNAL

STRESS.....
ITULASH SISANYA...

CUEK... HAPPY GO LUCKY, DO MY BEST.

Thank you semua...

2005-03-17T08:01:00.000-08:00
frustasi selesai, love ended, but be happy n thankful. retain yah retain. all i have done is my best. i guess i have to leave my love to someone else better in the future. thank you Lord. makasih temen2. buat sam n dedi yg udah dengerin complain gue daily, omelan gue every fortnight. buat tine2 yg udah advice gue n give me real example. buat hester yg selalu encourage gue, hate to say this, but everytime kita bisa sama feeling terus (ngak bosen2 yah sama terus?). last but not least, buat classmates n family gue, udah sediain bahan2 buat gue copy =P, n makanan buat gue survive....
hehehe... makasaih banget buat yg laen2 udah ngisi hidup gue. life seems meaningless without all of you. thank you buanget... project gue, i will do my best and leave the rest to the Lord.